Will Guests Think Our Wedding Is Played Out?

Q: A couple I barely know but with whom I have many friends in common got married yesterday, and they stole ALL my ideas. They didn’t know about them, so I know they didn’t do that on purpose but… everything I was keen on doing at my wedding has been done by them first and beautifully. The songs in the ceremony, the bilingual ceremony (not common at all here), the centerpieces, the world theme, the photographer, the venue, the band I wanted, walking down the aisle with both parents… even her dress was similar!

What do I do? I don’t want people to feel like they are at the same wedding, nor do I want anyone to think I copied another wedding (especially because I’ve been seen at the venue before their wedding—the catering company had asked me to deal with some details for my wedding at the venue, and I had no idea anyone from the other wedding would be around).

—Anonymous

A: Dear Anonymous,

I mean this in the very nicest way possible, but no one cares about your wedding this much. Guests won’t notice that you have the same photographer, I swear it. And whatever similarities they do notice, they won’t chalk up to you somehow stealing or copying. The truth is, weddings aren’t all that unique.

The only folks who have an eye on the pretty wedding details? Other folks who are also planning weddings. They’re the ones who’ll notice your succulents are on trend and your photographer is highly regarded, because they’re the ones who’ve got their noses in wedding blogs and magazines. Everyone else is thinking, “When are we going to eat, I’m starving,” and “Is my bra strap showing?”

I know, I know. We spend a lot of time and energy on those details, picking out special little reflections of our individual selves. (Trust me that we are here for the pretty.) But weddings are mostly, basically, made up of all the same components. Mix in Pinterest and Instagram, retail trends and collective consciousness, and you’ve got a bunch of weddings that are bound to have a lot in common.

That’s exactly the opposite of what you want to hear, right? Stay with me. My point is that your wedding isn’t unique because you’ll have s’mores for favors or whatever. It’s special because of you, your relationship, your family and friends, your new marriage. It sounds trite, but I mean that in the most practical, logistical way possible. Your guests will have their very own dynamic. Your reception is going to have its own hilarious, wild, memorable moments (and they’ll have nothing to do with the centerpieces). If your ceremony makes folks grab a tissue, it won’t be because of the color of the bridesmaid dresses.

If you’re still feeling bleh about it all, I completely understand. Go ahead and make some little changes, so long as it doesn’t stress you out or risk loss of a deposit. Just be reassured that this pressing need for total originality won’t last beyond the wedding, I promise. Your wedding is so, so much more than the details.

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